


Passing of Truth

by Astra_Astro



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety Attacks, Character Death, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Panic Attacks, Please Don't Hate Me, Self-Destruction, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Swearing, Taboo, Triggers, kind of ooc, sympathetic deceit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-05-06 21:34:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14656680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astra_Astro/pseuds/Astra_Astro
Summary: When you think of the good coming from Roman, Patton, Virgil, and Logan we can clearly see how they are the good part of Thomas, but what about Deceit? Can he be just as good as the rest of them? We wonder what his sole purpose is for Thomas is, yet we do know he is capable of making the lies or telling them. What will happen to Deceit when he tells the truth, for the very first time?...





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, This au (even though it’s the same universe as the Sanders sides) is solely based on Deceit. I won’t give any spoilers besides the summary I provided, but I do hope you enjoy it. This prologue is very short, but I promise in the chapters they will be longer than this…

For as long as he knew, Deceit never told the truth. Everyone thought it was just the way he was, but no one ever stopped to find out why he did it in the first place. At first chance of meeting him you would think that Deceit was just a stuck up asshole that didn’t care about anything at all, but that was a lie. 

Deceit cared a whole lot, just as much as Patton did, maybe even more. Of course the irony with this is that since he is a personality trait, his only job was to give Thomas his self-preservation, end of story.

Although the definition of self-preservation is it is the protection of oneself from harm or death, regardless as a basic instinct in human beings and animals.

This basically meant he couldn't tell the truth for the protection of Thomas. It hurt him more to lie to them every time, but it’s not like he could just tell the truth. 

Therewas an actual, “Forbidden Morality,” or a taboo, where he can NOT tell the truth under any circumstance or else something bad would happen. What happens you might ask, well he dies or is severely hurt. 

Althoughthat’s not all that happens, no, it's the fact that if he dies and can’t do his job, then Thomas would just be a careless person. Which in return harms morality, because he is the moral of all the feelings, then it will move on to anxiety, then creativity, and finally logic. 

Soit’s basically a chain of reaction to all of the others and Deceit does not want to cause harm to any of them.

The worst part of all is that if Thomas lies, it gives Deceit more power over the others, and he does not like that one bit. 

Sincehe doesn’t want to harm the others to begin with, it’s just as hard when he has ultimate control over them. He can literally make them shut up, and at first Deceit kept on telling himself “It’s to protect Thomas” over and over again, but he knows what he did was wrong.

It is true that he keeps Thomas from not knowing the things he does not want to know because he does not want to cause harm to his host. 

Likeif Thomas does not want to know the truth, then Deceit can keep it away from him, and the others, just to protect them from getting hurt.

Although most lies aren’t meant to be hurtful to others; it's rather if they are meant to help the one doing the fibbing. Lying can be used to keep from hurting one’s feelings or guilt, this is the sole purpose of Deceit’s job. Lying is just a very natural human trait and it can be used to manipulate others the way you want them to see you.  Although you have to be careful if you keep lying then it can snowball out of control. 

  



	2. Walking Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will also give a 1st POV of Deceit at the beginning then it will change to 3rd POV and there will be a warning about it.

**_Deceit's POV_ **

_ “He had you convinced you were an honest person” _

_ “But I am an honest person…” _

Sinking down from the “visit” from Thomas was very relaxing, especially from all that stress from the video. Although I feel quite relaxed, I can’t help but think of the previous events that occured just a while ago. Thomas finally knows I exist and it may not be on good terms.

I just wish that he can finally work out the conflict between he and Joan. I know he did not like the fact that he had to lie, but my job is to protect him in any way I can. I just wish the others would understand what I’m doing is to protect Thomas, like Virgil does. Well they have been doing this since this whole “he’s evil” thing, when they ‘supposedly’ got to know me. You know sometimes I wish I could just upright and tell them the truth.

‘Wish’ more like ‘hope’ 

It’s not like they’ll understand, they just see me as the villain that is here to hurt Thomas, but let's be real and admit their scared of me. I do have control over them because Thomas is not prepared to hear the real truth about himself (just yet). 

_ “Things that you want to believe, things that you wish were true, and things you wish that weren’t _ ”

Yes as Logic said to Thomas, I am the wishing he wishes that wasn’t true. It is true yes, but like I said for the 3rd time, I AM HERE TO PROTECT THOMAS, even from himself. I can protect him and the others by manipulating them, even if it’s wrong. I don’t want to do this to them, I know it is wrong, but I can’t just go up to them and say, “Hey, I’m doing this to protect Thomas from knowing the truth or else he would be hurt very bad so would you mind shutting up?”

Yeah, no…

I’d rather have them hating me so I can do my job instead of them getting in my way. As much as I like to be with them and become friends, sometimes I just have to face the facts and know that, THAT, is just a dream. A Fantasy. 

It reminds me of the time when I was first created. Although it was hazy, I do remember a figure was talking to me about my job. It was a very weird experience, considering the fact that I was just created.

I remember this figure first telling me about the “Forbidden Morality” and explaining in great detail to not disobey this taboo. Basically it’s how I can’t speak, or tell, the truth to anyone at all, period. If I break this rule then I put myself, but mainly the others, in danger. I, myself, die and in the process if Thomas doesn’t have his self-preservation then he can get seriously hurt. 

He can become careless and learn all the knowledge of the hard truth, but could cause harm to Morality since he is in charge of all the feelings. Morality would have to face all the emotions that Thomas will experience at that time and it could be too powerful for him to handle. It could make Morality shut down, and when he shuts down then he won’t have his anxiety to right his wrongs, and passions to move on with his life. 

That would leave his Logic in charge of all of him, but only for a short amount of time. Soon even his own Logic would not be able to handle all of this and he too would be shut down, leaving Thomas completely on his own. 

A human being would need all of his personality traits, whether they are good or bad, but it is what makes a human being, human. If we were to throw all this away, then it would basically make a human being living without a soul.

_

**_3rd POV_ **

“I'm totally fine with what I have to do. It's not that hard when you do get used to it, so this could go wrong!”

_ Hah that's a joke. _

_ “ _ Yeah, yeah I know it's not hilarious at all that I can’t speak the truth in my mind…”

Deceit sighed as he walked down the “light” side’s rooms going into the “dark” sides.

As he was close to his room, he felt a sudden weight on his chest as he thought of his possession with the others. It seemed like all the emotions that he was holding back just came back ten fold. Soon he saw his vision start  to blur and felt hot tears streaming down his face.

Reaching up and touching his cheek, he bit back a sob as he started running to his room door. He stumbled over his own feet for a bit.

But…

He paused when he approached the door and just stared at it. He heard the others in the commons laughing and talking loudly. Oh how he wished he could be a part of that, even if it was just for a minute it would mean a lot. 

He smiled when he thought of when he and An-Virgil we're “friends.” It was a nice thing to experience, like he thought Virgil would get him. Apparently not, considering the fact that he ran to the others (Patton, Logan, and Roman). 

He just wish he could explain to Virgil why he acted the way he did. Like he did try to tell him everything, but he was speaking the opposite so it just made things worse…

_ “Virgil! I do not like you! Not since the very beginning! I don't care for you, I am not doing this for you!! You are just a waste of space for me and you don’t understand what I go through!!” _

Deceit saw Virgil's expression of pure heartbreak. It haunted his every dream and every word swam in his head.

_ Why can't I just be normal?! Why can't I just speak the truth without breaking this stupid taboo?! _

But the universe seemed to not care about him. Which is why he was always alone. Not even the dark sides liked him because of all of his lying. They only used him to control Thomas, and Deceit will not allow that so he made it a promise to not ever hangout with them ever again.

Deceit sighed, again, and put his hand around the knob until he felt a presence behind him.

“Deceit…”


	3. Knowledge of Truth(?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello stranger I'm back with another chapter!  
> And I'm already working on the other chapter as well so hopefully that will be posted in a day or two...  
> Either way I hope you enjoy!

“ _ Deceit…” _

Deceit spun around so fast he almost got whiplash. He looked up and saw it was Patton who called his name. 

“Wh-what?” Deceit asked trying not to stumble over his own words as he saw Patton coming closer. He could clearly see anger in Patton’s eyes, but he also saw a small hint of concern.

_ For him? No, stop over analysing everything... _

“I just wanted to ask, why did you try to persuade Thomas to lie? Like why did you even show yourself to begin with?”

Deceit just looked down at his feet as he tried to come up with a “lie”able explanation. For some reason it seemed to be harder to come up with a lie right then and there, but he new he couldn’t tell the truth. 

“Because Thomas did N-NOT need to know about the others，not right now…”

Patton looked at Deceit for a bit with confusion, until his face brightened and he rather displayed fondness.

“You were going to tell the truth about them right, oh my gosh you’re giving us permission to tell Thomas?!”

“No!”

Patton was caught off guard as Deceit yelled at him and was clearly not expecting that.

“Oh...”

“Patton-”

Deceit was cut off by hearing other footsteps coming closer, and he did not feel like interacting with other people right now. I mean Patton was already hard enough to talk to without overthinking about everything. 

Who would have thought your own self-preservation having its own anxiety, right?

“I believe this isn’t a farewell, Morality, I will not be back again,”

Deceit was backing up as he was talking to Patton until he felt the knob to his door. He twisted the handle and went in to his room leaving a confused Patton outside. 

He stayed silent at the door listening to the others talk about him. It was hard to hear behind the door, but he didn’t plan on moving until he knew that the others left. It felt like forever until he finally heard footsteps leaving and it became quiet. He released a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding in.

“Well that went well...”

Deceit walk to his bed and flopped on it as he was exhausted from all that interaction.

“Never not again…”

He rolled over so he was facing the ceiling and saw those glow in the dark stars. He put those up because he’s never really seen real starts before, so he used these as an alternative. They were nice to look at to distract your mind. Well for him it was a nice distraction as he soon closed his eyes, and his breathing came even…

_

Patton stared at the door as he saw Deceit literally slide into his room. Just that conversation left him to wonder if what Deceit really did was, wrong. I mean it seemed like Deceit wanted to tell him something, but what was it?

“...Patton…”

Patton jumped as he heard a voice behind him. He turned around so fast that he got dizzy for a second.

“Wow there, Padre, I just wanted to ask if you were alright,” Roman said as he steadied Patton from wobbling over.

“Y-yeah I’m fine, I was just uhh...thinking about what Deceit said to me”

“Why? Did he say something bad to you?! I can defeat Deceit if you want me to? I shall vanquish that snake bandit!” Roman exclaimed as he brought out his sword.

“What? No! Stop Roman, he didn't say anything bad to me and put that sword down or you'll hurt someone!” Patton yelled as he was trying to stop Roman from going past him into the room.

Roman stopped when Patton grabbed him and he stared at him for a second. He soon saw the look of concern on the poor 'father’ figure's face.

“Patton, what ever happened I'm sure it wasn't anything bad. I mean come on, it's Deceit! He lies like all the time!”

Patton was still looking down, until his eyes got wide like something just dawned on to him about something.

“He lies all the time…”

Roman felt concerned when he heard Patton whisper that. Then jumped when he saw Patton turn and literally run off to his room.

“What the heckity heck just happened?”

_

Deceit woke up to the sunlight shining on his face. He groaned as he got up to close the blinds, then he heard a knock on his door.

He stared at the door and thought he imagined it until he heard another knock. He went to the door and reached the knob with shaking hands until he opened it just a smidge. 

“Hey kiddo!”

Deceit yelped a bit as he was not expecting the father figure to be there.

“Oh, uhh, Patton what is it that you don't want with me this late?” Deceit asked with confusion on his face. No one's ever knocked on his door before which is why he hesitated in the first place. He didn't really expect anyone to start knocking on his door, especially Patton.

“Well I just wanted to come and talk to you silly! I just wanted to ask you something is all kiddo!” 

Patton's face was radiating happiness that Deceit couldn't handle. It was pure elation and actually nice considering he's never felt happiness before.

“Umm, are you sure you don't want to talk to me?”

“What? Of course I want to talk to you what are you talking about?!”

_ Huh figured, he doesn’t  understand me when I speak in opposite.. _

“Oh! I see, you can only speak in opposite, is that right Deceit?” Patton asked with a smile on his face.

Deceit was completely caught off guard by that.

“U-uh no…”

“Hmm and that mean yes, right?”

Deceit shook his head and looked down waiting for a yell for not answering the “truth”

“Awesome! I was right! You do speak the truth, but in opposite truth right?!” Patton exclaimed as he was practically bouncing in joy while Deceit pinched himself on the arm because he never thought anyone would get him. 

_ H-he understands me?! Wh-what? Am I dreaming? Am I hallucinating? Like no, yeah-whah?? _

“Deceit!”

Deceit snapped out of his small trance as his eyes focused and saw Patton was looking at him with concern.

“Are you alright there, kiddo? You were spacing of for a bit, do you need some  _ space?” _

“I..umm…”

Deceit felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt his chest starting to hurt and he couldn't see right.

_ Am I dying? Is this the taboo that they were talking about? Is this how I end Thomas’s life? Did I fail him?... _

Deceit felt the world fade to black. It felt fuzzy and it sounded like someone was talking to him? He couldn't hear or even see right.

What was happening to him?...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes another cliffhanger...  
> I am so sorry, I just don't know how to make a story without lots of cliffhangers soooooooooooooooooooooo yeaaahhhh....


	4. Memories of Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!  
> THERE WILL BE A PART WHERE A BEATING IS INVOLVED LIKE PUNCHES AND KICKS AND THEIR WILL BE SOME HARSH WORDS SPREAD!!!!!  
> ...  
> Now that I let you know that...  
> Hello, I finally was able to write this, and let me tell you I had a very hard time writing this mainly because I was hesitating if I should have wrote this at all. But I did! And another reason why it took long was that I needed someone to edit this because I can't edit for SHIZZ...so anyways enjoy!

_ “Dee! Hurry up, or we’ll miss Thomas’ first play!” _

_ “Alright, don’t wait, I didn’t lose my hat!” _

Deceit looked around and saw that he was in a memory. It was the memory where they were all kids, and he was friends with Virgil. This was around the time where they all weren’t ‘dark’ or ‘light’ they were just facets of a personality with no good or bad yet. 

“ _ Dee! You better hurry, or we’ll leave you!” _

Deceit looked at Virgil and saw his small, innocent, not so baggy eyes.

Virgil was at the bottom of the stairs calling up. He also saw Patton, Logan, and Roman as well, who were all young looking. Roman was wearing colorful clothing, Patton was wearing a puppy shirt, and Logan was wearing a dress shirt. 

“ _ I’m not coming! _ ”

Deceit looked at the top of the stairs and saw, himself. He looked young as well, he was wearing a yellow and black shirt, and his scales were still there but not as prominent, and he also had on his hat that had a snake logo on it. It looked so weird to Deceit because he forgot there was a time where they all got along with each other. He was actually friends with them and not just a ‘villain.’

It was peaceful watching the memory go by, until everything got dark and it looked like another memory was showing, and it was-

“No, please no,” Deceit pleaded as he looked around.

It was the day he was banned from the light sides, because he put on an ‘evil’ persona and got Virgil involved.

Deceit looked in the commons and saw himself, around his teenage years, with Virgil glaring at the ‘light’ sides. He felt disgusted that he acted so harshly to them, and he practically dragged poor Virgil in it with him. 

“ _ You’re supposed to keep Thomas safe, not harm him!” _

_ “Why did you let Thomas lie about him liking boys?” _

_ “you are nothing but a disgrace to our host!” _

_ “At least ‘anxiety’ tries to help Thomas!” _

_ ' _ Young’ Deceit snarled at the others as he was backed into a door. He was practically holding 'Anxiety’ close to him, who looked terrified with what was going on. 

_ “I don’t do what I don't have to do! You will understand me!” _

_ ' _ Young’ Roman pushed Deceit back into the door and he fell threw it along with ‘Anxiety’. When he looked up, he saw the door shut close and heard a lock. 'Young’ Deceit thrashed up and started banging on the door yelling for them to 'not’ get out. 

Soon he stopped, and Deceit saw ‘Anxiety’ on the ground, beside his young self, sobbing.

_ Noo...please don't show me what's going to happen next please!!! _

But memories don't lie…

Deceit soon saw his younger self look at Anxiety with such harsh hatred on his face that he looked terrifying. He saw his younger self yelling at ‘Anxiety’ to shut up but he only started to sob some more, and that made his younger self hit him.

Soon that one punch become more, and he starting kicking him. Almost like he was taking his anger out on poor ‘Anxiety.’

_ NO! PLEASE STOP THIS! I didn't mean to! I was so angry at the others for not understanding I didn't want to take it out on you!! Please stop this! Stop! Make it stop! _

But it didn't, the beating just increased to the point where poor ‘Anxiety’ was left on the floor with bruises all over him, and he was still crying. 'Young’ Deceit just left him there as he went to his 'new’ room, as Deceit watched young 'Anxiety’ curl up in a ball and practically hide in his hoodie.

_ I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you… _

Deceit was practically sobbing at this point as he fell on his knees by Anxiety not paying attention to his surroundings, which was beginning to blur out...

_ _ _

Deceit shot up from where he was lying and was trying to calm down.

“Shh, Deceit, calm down…”

Deceit looked up and saw Patton was right in front of him. He looked behind Patton and saw that he was in his room(?) 

_ How did I get here? _

Deceit calmed down and his breathing started to even.

“There, that's it kiddo, just keep doing that,” Patton said gently as he was rubbing Deceit’s back.

“P-patton, why aren’t you here?”

“You passed out from not breathing this morning, you’ve been out for quite a while kiddo”

Deceit looked at Patton confused, then looked at the desk in front of his bed and saw the time.

**12:35pm**

Deceit’s eyes widen, because it was 8:45am when Patton came to his room. He didn't even know what was going on anymore. He felt disoriented from that, uh-

“Patton do you not know what didn't happen to me?”

Deceit hoped and prayed Patton would get what he was asking. 

“Oh! Well I believe your body seized up and your body went into shock,” Patton said as he was still had his hand on Deceit’s back. Not that Deceit was complaining.

Deceit looked at Patton shocked from hearing his statement. He didn't want to believe his own body went into shock just from Patton believing him(?) This is too confusing for him because he was already disoriented from that “shock.”

All of a sudden, something clicked in. Patton was here with him, but what about the others? Was he here with him the whole time? Because usually Patton makes breakfast for the others at 8:30 and…

“Patton what didn't happen to the others?”

“Oh! Well I- well, I don't actually know. I don't think I even made breakfast...oh shoot!”

Patton jumped up and ran to the door, and right when he opened the door Roman was there along with the others who looked alarmed and disheveled.

“Patton! What happened?! You didn't come to breakfast this morning and-and we couldn't find you in your room or anywhere?!” Roman screamed out as he brought Patton into a big hug.

“I'm so sorry, kiddos, I was just here with Deceit and-”

“Deceit! What have you done to Patton?!”

Virgil went straight to Deceit as soon as he heard Patton say his name and poor Deceit was still trying to process everything.

“What didn't I do?” Deceit asked with confusion written on his face.

“You know what I mean you son of a BI-"

“Calm down, Virgil! Deceit didn't do anything I promise!” Patton yelled out as he tried to hold Virgil back. 

Virgil looked skeptical and scoffed as he let Patton push him back. Logan strolled up to them and grabbed Virgil, bringing him outside of the room. Roman on the other hand was still in the room and was just staring at Deceit. Deceit himself was feeling uncomfortable with all the “attention” he was getting and just wished he didn't exist right now.

“Deceit, are you okay kiddo?” Patton asked, much to Roman's confusion.

Deceit didn't reply verbally, more like shaking his head and looked down.

“Alright kiddo, why don't you lay down and sleep? I'll leave you alone for now and come back later to check up on you okay?”

Deceit shook his head and laid down closing his eyes. Roman was very confused but didn't object when Patton pulled him towards the door.

“Goodnight kiddo,” Patton said as he closed the door.

As soon as Patton turned around he saw the others all staring at him with seriousness on their faces. 

“Oh, hey guys uhh what's up?” Patton asked chuckling nervously. Virgil raised an eyebrow while folding his arms. 

“Patton, what happened?” Virgil asked with a demanding tone making Patton wince along with the others. Virgil saw this of course, so he soften his expression, but it was still there.

“I-I uhh, well” Patton stammered attempting to come up with an explanation, but he knew he wasn't capable of lying so he just sighed and faced the truth.

“Well, kiddo, yesterday after Deceit impersonated me I went to go see him to actually confront him about why he did it in the first place and well… he looked like he was crying”

The others face looked shocked because they never knew the deceitful personality was capable of crying...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaaaaaaaaah, I don't know how to not leave it at a cliffhanger, soooooooooooooooooo let's wait another few days before I upload the next chapter.  
> I hope I didn't disappoint anyone or triggered anyone.  
> I hope you heed my warning in reading the trigger warnings because I felt awful writing this chapter...


	5. Subconscious Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry I haven't been uploading anytime soon, but now I have the chapter out so yaayyy! Hopefully I can go back to my schedule of uploading in 2-4 days!

“Deceit was crying?” Roman asked as he looked at Patton, trying to process what he just said.

“Yes, he was crying and I felt bad so I tried talking to him until you came, Roman, and something you said made me realize that Deceit doesn't ever speak the truth..”

“He never speaks the truth,” Virgil mumbled as there was clearly anger in his eyes.

“Yes, but he speaks in opposite,” Patton said looking down, not liking how much anger and confusion the others were giving off.

Logan saw Patton looking distressed and presumed he must be upset with everything that happened. He stepped forward and took Patton in a stiff “hug” as he held the moral side close to him.

“It's alright, Patton, I know that the predicaments of yesterday is probably still, umm, “getting to you” and I believe we should all calm down and talk this through thoroughly,” Logan said as he pulled back and put his hands on Patton's shoulder, letting him look at him only.

Everyone was quite shocked that Logan initiated a hug to Patton and is now checking to see if he is alright. It was so shocking to Patton, that his only response was a nod, hoping this was a good enough answer.

It seemed like a good enough answer to Logan because he nodded back and pulled Patton along with him to the commons. Both Roman and Virgil followed, but Virgil gave one last glance at Deceit's door before Roman got his attention.

Virgil walked next to Roman to the commons, but he can't help but think of what, or why Deceit is now showing up after all these years.

When Virgil reached the commons, he saw Logan and Patton sitting together as they started talking. He went to join them but thought he heard a door opening and closing so he looked at the hallway from where he came from and saw nothing.

Might be just him over hearing things or something...

_

Deceit opened his eyes as soon as Patton closed the door. He couldn't sleep because of what happened just a while ago. 

Why did he cause Patton distress? He liked Patton just as much as the others.He never meant to cause harm when he impersonated him. He just wanted Thomas to be honest with himself. It was for a good purpose, but mainly because Deceit didn't want to have control over the others anymore. 

Deceit sighed as he got up from his bed and went to his dresser to change his clothes from the previous day. He was thinking about taking a shower, but he didn't feel up to it at the moment.

“Another day, not another nickel…” he said to himself as he went to his door and checked to see if the others were there. When he saw no one he snuck out and went out to the back of the mind to the subconscious.

He usually went back here so that he could clear his mind from all the 'deceitfulness’ and to help the others express their feelings more without his presence there. 

You see...if he wasn’t in the subconscious at desperate times like this, everyone would lie to themselves and anyone around them. Deceit doesn't like it when they lie because he wants the others to be truthful to each other, so he comes back here and just sits at his favorite spot.

The subconscious was a beautiful place to be in, but because of its beauty, it can keep you here for an eternity. This beauty is basically a forest like area where there is no moon, yet the stars are so bright you can see the path before you. This forest had a small clearing where he liked to lay down and just stare at the stars.

He seemed to always get lost in the beauty of this place that sometimes he has to set an alarm to remind him to go back. The reason  is that even though it’s a nice place to be it can lead to dangerous things. It can make a personality stay in a peaceful mode and never go back; that they would lose their influence on Thomas and reality and begin to forget who they are.

...

Deceit didn't worry about that right now, he had plenty of time to stay here and just get lost in the moment. He was pointing out all the constellations in the sky and was thinking that if he and Logan got along well enough then he could take him here and just talk about the stars.

Sometimes Deceit would just wish that he could get along with the others and become friends with them.

But…

He knows that he can't considering what he did to them, and they had every right to not trust him. He's done so many bad things like manipulating them, toying with their emotions, and just-just being the villain he is. That's all he's going to be, the villain, and nothing else. 

He's tried being nice but they think he's lying, so now he keeps his distance from them and just protects Thomas.

Thomas is his host, Thomas is HIS lifesaver, because without Thomas’ motivation to protect him then HE wouldn't be here. 

Deceit wouldn't put up with all this trauma and confliction. He just wouldn't…

Deceit started feeling tired, he didn't even know how long he's been here. It was just so peaceful, there was no conflict, no worrying thoughts, just nothing. He didn't think about anything even when his alarm went off, he was too busy relaxing.

“ _ How much I do-don’t love Thomas…” _

Deceit jumped up when he realized he almost spoke the truth out loud. “Shit,” he said to himself as he looked at the time and saw he was here for a long period of time. It was already the next day.

“Shit, shit, SHIT!!”

Deceit ran out of the subconscious and  straight to his room. He was almost there, until he ran into someone.

“D-deceit what are you doing?!” Roman asked as he, kind of, pushed Deceit off of him.

“I'm not doing anything, I wasn't running to my room,” Deceit said as he started walking to his room again until Roman grabbed his arm.

“Deceit, I came here to ask what you were doing to Patton yesterday and I demand an answer now!” Roman yelled, not realizing Deceit flinched from the touch and yell.

“I did do something to Patton, he didn't just knock on my door to check up on me,” Deceit said not giving a crap if Roman didn't understand him.

“Hmmf, well I hope what Patton said yesterday was true…”

Deceit gave Roman a confused look until Roman put on a thinking face.

“...so what you really said was you didn't do anything to Patton and he knocked on his door to what, check up on you? Is that correct?”

Deceit was shocked again from someone else, besides Patton, understanding him.

_ How are all these light side's so smart?! Especially Roman, HE got it?!?! _

“Hello, does a snake live here or not?” Roman asked as he literally knocked on Deceit's head.

“No, no one lives here and if he didn't then he would open the door…” Deceit hissed back as he did not like being treated this way.

“Alright, alright, calm down you fiend, that was all I was asking and now I shall take my leave,” Roman said as he put his hands up in a sarcastic surrender as he left Deceit alone.

Deceit stayed there for a bit longer until he knew he was alone and put his guard down a little. He sighed as he went into his room and closed the door, checking in on Thomas first, then going to bed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaaaaaaaaahp that happened, now get ready for the next chapter because idk if it will be just as exciting (?) As the rest of these(?) XD  
> But I wonder if you guys got that pun in this chapter...hmmm...


	6. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING, PANIC ATTACK IN THE BEGINNING  
> TRIGGER WARNING, PANIC ATTACK IN THE BEGINNING  
> MENTIONS OF BEATING

Virgil was in his room thinking about the events that happened. He wanted to believe Patton, but he can't trust Deceit. Not right now,anyways.

Virgil just sighed as he thought about how angry he must have seemed. He didn't mean to, he knows Patton can feel any strong emotion they feel. He was at the core of Thomas's feelings, and that included the rest of them. Maybe, if he wasn't so angry, he wouldn't have made Patton upset. Perhaps, he would have upset him anyway.

He couldn't think. What was wrong? Was he dying because a consequence of upsetting Patton? Could personalities die? Coul-

“Stop, you’re panicking over nothing! You know you didn't mean to, you didn't mean to…”

_ Look what you're doing, Anxiety, panicking over something so small _

“Shut up stop! Just stop!”

_ You know I'm right Anxiety~ _

_ “No! No y-you-you’re not.” _

_ Oh really? Are you sure about that? Because I'm sure the others would love to see you panic over small things...you really are a baby, aren't you, Anxiety? _

Virgil paused as he tried not to let the voice get to him, but it was just impossible at the moment.

“N-no, I'm...I-i’m sor-sorry…”

Virgil felt like there was a pressure on his chest. He couldn't get any oxygen in, or even out. 

_ See, Anxiety? You've always been a villain, and you always will be. _

Virgil gasped as he realized what voice was speaking to him. He was on edge ever since he showed up again, and everytime he had a panic attack, it was always because of that person’s voice taunting him, even if he was different now.

“Stop it, it’s not him, h-he’s not here. It's i-it’s all i-in your h-head,” Virgil told himself, still trying to catch his breath.

_ Oh you think I have changed, huh? Well Well, looks like I have to teach my toy some new tricks… _

_. _

“Virgil?” Someone was at the door.

“Virgil, are you okay?”

Virgil couldn't respond, he was too far in his mind to respond. He was pleading to whomever was behind the door to notice. 

“Virgil, I'm coming in”

The door opened and it was Logan. He walked in and looked around until he saw Virgil on the floor hyperventilating.

“Virgil, shh it's okay,” Logan said, slowly making his way to Virgil.

“Is it alright if I touch you?”

Virgil slowly nodded and Logan put his hands on his shoulders to try to ground him.

“Virgil, it's alright, try to take in some deep breaths… 4 seconds in”

Virgil took a deep breath in.

“Hold for 7 seconds”

Virgil held in his breath, fighting to not suck in another breath.

“...and 8 seconds out”

Virgil slowly breathed out, repeating the rhythm as Logan counted each and every one of them.

It took several minutes for Virgil to regain his composure, but as he did, he noticed that Logan wasn't the only one there.

Patton and Roman were at the door, but they knew not to crowd Virgil when he was having panic attacks.

When Virgil gave the nod for them to enter, they entered and Patton slowly held Virgil in a cuddly, hug position since Virgil still needed some grounding.

“Are you alright, Virgil?” Roman asked as he put a hand on Virgil's knee.

Virgil nodded slowly, exhausted from the attack, leaning heavily on Patton.

“Virgil, do you mind telling us what caused this?” Logan asked as he watched Virgil, concern written on his face.

Virgil paused for a moment until he nodded and slowly sat up, with the help of the others of course.

“Y-yeah, it was kind of stupid: I felt bad for making Patton upset yesterday when I felt angry.” Virgil said not meeting anyone's eyes.

“Oh, kiddo, I know you didn't mean to. I know that you had a reason to be angry and it was perfectly fine to be,” Patton said, giving Virgil another hug.

Virgil shrugged and paused again, wondering if he should tell the others what voice he was hearing.

“Is there anything else, Virgil?” Logan asked as he was watching Virgil's every movement and reactions.

Virgil slowly nodded, but stayed quiet for several moments.

“i was hearing a voice during the during the attack”

“A voice?” Logan asked with a shocking expression.

“Y-yeah, a voice, it’s always there when I have panic attacks and it umm…” he couldn't say it, but he knew he had to.

“Go on,” Roman said as he rubbed Virgil's shoulder comfortingly.

“T-the voice sounds like Deceit…”

This shocked everyone, including Patton, and there was another moment of silence.

“Deceit?” Patton asked, not wanting to believe it.

“Yeah. I don't know if he's the one causing it b-because this voice is like what he said and did back then when he...when I lived with him and the dark sides,” Virgil said, looking down. He didn’t enjoy the attention he was receiving, but continued. 

“H-he’d beat me and...and…”

Everyone looked horrified, but Roman had pure rage rolling off of him. He abruptly got up and stormed out of the room. He stalked down the hallways to a door, banging on and waiting for the owner of the room to open. 

_

Deceit was in his room all day, not wanting to get up or bother the others. He was, frankly, content on never speaking to the others again.

_ Hah, that's a lie _

Deceit was on his bed, staring at his ceiling. He was deep in thought, like usual, until he heard a bang on his door. It was insistent, as though he had done something wrong. He wasn't entirely sure he hadn’t.

_ I've done a lot of bad things though… _

He thought of ignoring the door until he heard his name being called, recognizing  Roman’s voice. He slowly got up and tried to slowly open the door, but Roman practically swung it open and grabbed Deceit by the shoulders.

Roman shoved Deceit to the nearest wall and gave him a death glare. Deceit was too frightened and shocked to move or speak. There was a quiet, intense moment until Roman spoke.

“I wanted to be nice to you because Patton told me you changed. I’m having second thoughts, though, because of what I’ve heard from Virgil...” Roman trailed off, absentmindedly loosening his grip on Deceit.

Deceit didn't move, already accepting he would have to face the consequences of the sins he had committed.

Roman almost felt bad for him, but he came here on a mission and he planned to get his answers.

“ _ Deceit, _ ” Roman started with venom.

“Is it true that you hurt and beat Virgil in the past when we put you with the dark side?”

Deceit was terrified of replying and couldn't find his voice. But because he wanted to be “honest” for his actions, he shook his head. Roman looked even angrier and lifted his arm, making Deceit flinch, and hit the wall next to Deceit’s head.

Deceit didn't move because in his 'heart’ he knew he deserved this. Roman was furious and brought his fist back, getting ready to hit Deceit this time. He swung-

“Roman!”

Roman froze halfway, finally realizing what he was doing. His fist was inches away from Deceit's face, whose face looked scrunched, and he was cowering. He slowly lowered his hand and looked at who just called his name.

It was Virgil and it wasn't just Virgil, but Patton and Logan were present too,standing next to him, shocked and afraid. Patton had his hands on his mouth with wide eyes, and Logan had a shocked expression on his face.

Virgil stepped forward and slowly walked towards Roman. He began to rub his back and looked at him in the eyes as Roman turned around. Roman was surprised when he saw genuine concern written on Virgil's face.

“Roman, don't...please…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPLOADED I'M SO LONG!!!!  
> I apologize, but writing isn't what I'm good at...  
> I draw because I can easily take the image from my head into drawings, but writing is another story....  
> But I hope you enjoyed the cliff hanger on this again...heh heh....  
> But big thanks to my good friend, Anninaks, because without then then I wouldn't be able to write or edit this story. They've been there with me through all the chapters and I can't thank them enough! So please say thank you to him!!! Comment below or message him for the love and support he gives, and I will show him that! (He's my little "friend", brother)  
> aninaks  
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/aninaks


	7. No Beating of Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe there is no trigger warning, but if there is then please tell me...  
> Well there might be self deprecating and mentions of a suppose beating but nothing happens...

_ “Roman, don't...please…” _

Roman took a deep breath in and let himself calm down. When he was calm enough, he looked at the others and noticed they were surrounding him. He gave them an apologetic look before he looked at Deceit.

Deceit himself did not move from his position. It didn't even look like he was breathing at all and that made Roman feel guilty for what he did. When Roman turned to him, Deceit flinched but didn't move. 

Deceit himself was still waiting for the beating that was coming to him. He didn't even think about moving, I mean sure they were the light sides, but that doesn't mean they won't beat him to a pulp. 

_ Maybe I could escape this with a few bruises ...maybe? Maybe one broken bone? But what if they beat me until I can't move whatsoever? Would they care enough to help me afterwards? Are they waiting for me to show my weakest standing point? Do they want me to- _

_ “ _ Deceit _!” _

Deceit flinched from the yell. He realized his vision was blurry so he tried his hardest to focus his eyes on who called him. When he looked around he noticed he sunk down the wall to the floor.

_ How did I get down here? _

Deceit’s thoughts were cut off by the person sitting in front of him. It was Virgil, he was the one that called his name.

_ But why? _ ...

“Deceit, are you okay?” Virgil asked looking at Deceit with concern. He could see the conflict he was thinking in his head. He grew more concerned when he didn't get a response.

“Deceit I'm going to put my hands on you alright?”

He still didn't get a reply so he slowly put his hands on his shoulder. Deceit flinched away from the touch and it looked like he started to panic.

“Shit…” Virgil muttered to himself as he put his hands back and tried to figure out another way to get Deceit out of his own mind. Virgil sighed as he took in a deep breath and very carefully put his hands back on Deceit.

“Dee…”

This shocked everybody and it made Deceit freeze.

“Dee, I know you're in there, but I need you to calmly take in a deep breath and release slowly”

Deceit, very cautiously, did as he was told. He did this a couple of times with Virgil’s comforting words.

When he finally got his breathing he looked up and saw the others were behind Virgil looking at him with,  _ pity? _

“Hey there, Dee, how do you feel?” 

Deceit looked back at Virgil and saw the same,  _ pity?,  _ the others were giving off. He slowly stood up and watched the others do the same. He shook the 'dust’ off of him and coughed awkwardly.

“Umm, No I-I’m no?,” Deceit said, more like asked, as he shyly grabbed his arm as he looked at the floor. Everyone was soon silent after this and it didn't help that Virgil was at a lost for words. He didn't mean to be quiet, but he couldn't think what to say next so he decided staying quiet was the best decision and just let Deceit talk when he was ready.

The atmosphere was tense, but Deceit just wanted them to leave so he can sleep. He didn't want to deal with this much, “emotions” again. These past couple of days was enough. Either way he was still waiting for them to beat him. He wasn't sure if they were waiting for him to move to start or if they were planning it out? But it felt like an eternity that he couldn't take it anymore.

“Just don't go ahead and don't do it!” Deceit yelled startling the others.

“Do what?” Patton asked as he looked at Deceit with confusion and worry.

“Just don’t go ahead and d-dont beat-beat me…”

This shocked everyone, especially Roman.

“Deceit we aren't going to beat you,” Virgil said.

“You-you are?” Deceit sounded genuinely surprised.

“No, we're not,” Roman said with sincerity in his voice.

Deceit looked at Roman with confusion.

_ Just a while ago you had me pinned to a wall and you say that?! _

_ Deceit didn't say that out loud, he was too scared to do or say anything. _

“Deceit, why would you think we would beat you?” Logan asked, first time he said anything while he was here.

“B-because…”

“Because, why?”

Deceit looked at the ground again and started to shake again.

“Dee?” Patton asked as he stepped forward to try and comfort Deceit, but he shied away from him so he stopped.

“B-because I don't deserve it…” Deceit mumbled. It was quiet for a while because he said it so quietly it took awhile for them to process what he said and before they could say anything, he continued. “I-I don't deserve it because of what I didn't do to-to Anx- uh Virgil…”

This shocked everyone, but it mainly shocked Virgil.

All this time Virgil has been living the after effects of what Deceit did to him and all this time he always wanted to know, why?

“Why did you do it to begin with?” Logan asked as he was the only one who seemed calm enough to ask.

Deceit paused for a bit looking conflicted about what he wanted to say. It took several moments for him to open his mouth and closed it until finally he took a deep breath and…

“I honestly do know why I DID NOT do it in the first place. I wasn't mad with myself or you guys for not kicking me out. I guess I was just not mad at everyone for understanding that I am not Thomas’s self preservation…” Deceit sighed as he spoke, he was looking down the whole time and didn't have the strength to look up.

“It did mean I did have the right to do what I didn't do…” he added as he looked genuinely ashamed and guilty for his wrong doings.

“I guess I didn't want everyone to not understand me,” Deceit continued, “with me ' not dragging’ Virgil in all of it, he was the only one there to not take it out on. Not for the longest time I did want to do it, but I could control my actions. It was like something not about that place made me similar and that I was truly not a dark side…”

Everything was quiet after he spoke. They wanted the “truth" and now they got it, but it was a safe truth; meaning that he can tell the truth but only when he spoke in lie. He found this out when Patton started talking to him and he didn't have to worry about that stupid taboo or whatever.

It seemed he was lost in thought again as he noticed that the others were also still quiet.

Finally getting the courage, he looked up and he saw...he saw them crying? This shocked him because he was expecting anger or something along that line, not this. Each and every one of them had tears in their eyes, yes even Logan, and they had sadness and guilt in their eyes?

Why?...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so SOOOOOO sorry!!!!  
> I know it's been about 21 days since I last posted but a lot has happened like I wanted to wait for my friend Aninaks to come back from his trip and he did come back but then my mom was in and out of the hospital so my main priority is her. It still is her because she's losing her hearing and I've been busy taking care of her at the same time dealing with my own mental issues that I lost motivating to write this chapter and all that good stuff...  
> But now I am back and hopefully I can upload the next chapter in the next few days, if not just know it's for good reason...  
> Also I have other stories I wrote on Tumblr, but if you want to read them then I could possibly upload them on here if you want? Just comment below if you want to read some one-shots I wrote on Tumblr and yeah...  
> Okay alright I'll stop bothering ya, I hope you all have a nice day and happy (late) Canada day, and happy 4th of July or happy holidays or just happy day everyone!!!  
> Hope you have a wonderful day!!!


	8. Nobody gets left Behind, or Forgotten...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so it's my last year of high school, or schooling all together, and I've been focusing on my education for these past few months. Next week is my midterms and I am already stressed enough, but I decided to upload a chapter.  
> Please note that This chapter is unedited and has many grammar mistakes...  
> There will be a lot of cussing and crying...  
> Sorry if it's sudden, I just couldn't- just read it...  
> Okay bye cya at the end note!

Everyone and everything was silent for a long time. Deceit had no idea what to do as he watched the others cry.

' _do I comfort them?! Give them a, what was it called...a hug?"_

Deceit was so lost on what to do that he didn't realize Roman was walking up to him.

"Deceit...we-I...I'm so sorry for what I did when we were young," Roman started off, not able to contain his sobs. "I was acting foolishly and treated you the same way I treated Virgil, but more harshly..."

Roman took a deep breath trying to calm his sobs enough for him to speak.

"I treated you, and Virgil, harshly just because the idea of a villain is a dark persona, but you both were only doing your jobs..." Roman was looking at the floor as he spoke. He seemed as though he'd just given up an internal battle.

"I am more of a villain, because instead of saving Thomas I just hurt him. I'm not prince, I'm just a villain in disguise of a coward..."

This shocked everyone that it was quiet for a few minutes. Nobody spoke, nobody moved. There was no sound and Deceit couldn't take it so he walked up to Roman and hugged him.

Deceit heard a gasp but before anyone spoke he opened his mouth. "You're a villain Roman. I do not wish I couldn't speak in truth, but you mustn't know that I don't like you for how you aren't. You didn't have every right to act the way you didn't do because I wouldn't have done the same." 

Deceit let go of Roman who looked as though he was going to protest until he saw Deceit put his hand up.

"I am what you dont call the gatekeeper of what Thomas wants to know and what he doesn't want to know," Deceit paused as he realized he is still technically lying as opposite speaking,"My job is to keep him not safe because not too much knowledge could hu-not hurt him." Deceit paused as he realized he almost spoke the truth, a second time.

' _Damnit, I have to be more careful_ '

The others seemed to catch on with his pause and had a somewhat better understanding of him. 

"I do have to like my job, it's not the way it has to be..." Deceit continued as he walked over to his dresser. He looked in the mirror that sat on his desk and pick it up. He looked in it and the others only saw his "human" side as he snarled and slammed the mirror back down, breaking it.

"I am not a monster, no matter what I dont do I will always not be one."

Deceit gave a sniffled as he tried to wipe away the unshed tears.

"I can always chose who i am not going to be. I..." He trailed off as he couldn't find any more words of what to say. 

"That's not true!" He heard someone speak.

Deceit turned around and saw that Virgil was the one who said that. Virgil has tears streaming down his face. His eyeshadow ruined and he looked as though he had a determination to complete.

"Dee, I know you changed like the rest of us. We aren't who we were back than as a child. I used to be fear but now anxiety, you used to be lies and now deceit. We've all evolved from the past, but that doesn't mean it defines who we truly are. Deep down you aren't just Deceit, you are Dee. Just like how I am Virgil. So enough of this bullcrap of what we are! We are family, and no one gets left behind-"

"Or forgotten..." Logan finished.

All four of them looked at Dece- Dee with a determination of hope. They all felt the same way, they all agreed to the fact that they are family.

As for Dee he couldn't really process what was going on because next thing he knew he was brought into a hug from Virgil, then Patton, then Roman, and yes even Logan.

He couldn't think straight.

' _hah that's a lie... But this isn't..."_

He hugged them back in shock as the tears that he was barely holding back just poured down his face. For once in his life he let go of the pain. He let go of his sorrows, his loneliness, his guilt. Just everything came out, and the others were there to help.

_'my family'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the end! I know it's very fluffy and more like a comfort but trust me there is a LOT more to go.  
> So happy holidays everyone...  
> Uhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah, until next time bye-bye!  
> (Not end of story, I still have plenty more chapters to upload on here....spoiler alert it'll get more fluffy, and than downright angtsy)


End file.
